My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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