his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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