and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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