end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
