if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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