Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
