Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I will be naked everywhere
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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