this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
