my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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