There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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