Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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