All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
