Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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