you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
