I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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