I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
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