Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize
