There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
