weddingsv make me drug and hornr
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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