I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
