I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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