I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
