saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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