Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
