if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
