He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
