if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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