So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
