So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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