Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
