Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
