First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Randomize
