I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize