Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize