So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
