I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Randomize
