why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
