singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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