I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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