I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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