I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
