he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Success! We fucked roommates!
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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