My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
