I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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