just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
