She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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