The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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