i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
