Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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