That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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