I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
