Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
