I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
