I'm going to jail i love you
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
