How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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