I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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