Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize