Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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