who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
