im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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