I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
