Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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