last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I think i got beer on your cat.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
