you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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