So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
